That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I AM VODKA MAN
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
