She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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