My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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