I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
