K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
