Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
