Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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