His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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