It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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