What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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