my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
