Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
