just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Green mimosas i think yes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
