Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
