Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
