three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
