If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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