I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
