A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
