Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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