I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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