It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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