what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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