..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
