It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
