We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
