I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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