I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
