Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
