Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
