Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
