I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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