i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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