her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
