I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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