If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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