last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
