..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
