I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
