if i can run in heels then i can drive
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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