She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
