Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
