does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
