I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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