we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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