WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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