Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
