he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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