Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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