Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I got inside last night via doggy door
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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