apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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