Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
