you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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