I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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