it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
