The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
