you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
