Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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