Life is so much better after having sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
