I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?