Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
