So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.