just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No subtext here. People are naked.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!