I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!