Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
