and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
