i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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