The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
